“The List” in Dating
People ask me often what’s on my list. You know “the list,” right? Single people have them… it’s the imaginary requirements one person has for their potential mate. I won’t give you my whole list right now because I don’t think I’m ready for the flood of e-mails that would follow. However, I do want to question one thing.
I’m looking for “purity” in a potential mate. Since it’s one of those wishy-washy words, I mean that I’m looking for someone who is a virgin, having not gone farther than kissing with a previous boyfriend.
Immediately upon saying that to people, they will almost always say, “What if God has worked in her life since then?” or “You know God forgives, right?” or “What if she’s changed?”
If I said that I wanted a girl who has red hair and freckles as part of my list, no one would balk because that’s just preference. God apparantly will allow me to choose superficial things like hair color. But when it comes to the big stuff, like purity, I’m not allowed to include that on the things I am looking for in a mate?
I wonder why people have a hard problem with that one? Are there that few virgins left? Am I the only one who’s waited 25 years?
July 10th, 2008 at 9:28 am
I think asking God that your future mate be pure is completely acceptible! The red head and freckled thing is stretching it…in my opinion! ;)
Thanks for sharing your blog!
July 10th, 2008 at 11:26 am
In the last year, two guys from my men’s group have gotten married. One was a person who came to Christ later in life and maintained his purity until then, all three of the others had waited. The youngest of the four was 25.
You will NEVER regret waiting. NEVER.
July 10th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
Matthew-
God will honor your request. He has someone special all picked out for you — maybe she will even have red hair and freckles!
Blessings-
K
July 10th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Though I thoroughly agree with Glenna AND Jeff’s comments above I’m a little troubled by the intensity of your focus on purity. Asking God for this is perfectly acceptable and understandably desireable. Making that request a demand is different. It is possible to make purity an idol.
Much to my wife’s dismay, I’m not one who believes that God has one person in mind for each of us. I do believe he is concerned with this facet of your life and wants you to rely on Him.
I would advise that you not be too quick, however, to reject his answer on the grounds of purity. It’s cool to pray the list … not so cool to reject God’s provision.
I do hope that he honors your commitment to purity — that would SEEM right, after all. Jeff is right. You will NEVER regret waiting as long as your aren’t rejecting God’s perfect answer.
July 10th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
Hey all, thanks for the comments.
@Chris - Just to be clear - I don’t want to miss God’s provision, and I’m certainly not saying that I would tell God that I know better than He does about something. That’s scary territory. However, you’ve played right into the same game as the others. My “list” is a list of preferences, my preferences. Why do people not respond the same way to superficial things as they do the deep things. For instance, check this dialogue…
M: I also want a girl with blonde hair.
C: Cool, I like blondes too.
It’s never:
M: I also want a girl with blonde hair.
C: Oh, well, why do you want to box God in and say that He has to give you a blonde mate.
See the difference. Why can’t purity be a preference? Why is that the only part of my “list” that people balk at?
July 15th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
On that level I have no problem with purity being on your list. Even as I reread your post it didn’t sound like preference. Probably your use of the word “requirements” threw me.
The big difference between something like purity and something like hair color is the element of choice and sin. No one looks at the blond and blames her hair color on poor judgment or sin (unless her roots are black, then maybe poor judgment comes in to play).
The beauty of the human story is grace. All have sinned. That sin degrades and ultimately destroys what God intended for us to be. Grace is the antidote. You know all of that.
Having purity on your list of “imaginary requirements” seems to go against this story of grace and forgiveness and may even come across as threatening to some.
As a preference, though, I’m entirely with you.
Bottom line for me, perhaps people don’t understand that you’re talking preferences. I didn’t.
July 20th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
Thanks Chris. I’m with you. I’m picking up what you’re throwing down. As I re-read it too, it does say requirement. I wonder if I have any “requirements” for a mate. I know that she has to be a Christian. I’d go so far as to say that she has to love Jesus more than she loves me. I have no problem with that being a requirement.
The purity thing is a pretty stinkin’ strong preference, but God can move me in any direction he wants. Anyway, I appreciate your comments. It’s helping me wrestle through some of this stuff.